The Happy Cat

So the newlyweds got busy and made me a kitty auntie already!

Being like the best cat mommy ever allows me to pass down a bit of wisdom (said with great sarcasm)...

(Miss Margaery Gitchell)

Rules for a Happy Cat

1. Adopt a cat if possible. Claire Belle, our little sweetheart, was one of a litter that was left on my in-law's road. She was very malnurished and affectonate. I've always been allergic to cats, like couldn't be in the same room, but she was the miracle kitty. My eyes did not swell and itch, so we had to have her, right?

2. Because you've never owned a cat, wait it out at the Walmart pet aisle. Eventually someone will come by who is buying stuff for their kitty and will guide you. Here are some basics (to help keep this post informative) covered litter box, scoop, litter, and food are all good ideas.

3. Our little girl took a little time to get healthy after a thorough vet check up. She needed to gain weight and be treated for ear mites. Other than that we were pretty lucky. Our vet is an hour away... take it from me bring ear plugs because cats moan in the car the WHOLE time! Also try to keep your eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. Our kitty really liked dashing all over inside the car, this takes me to the next point.

4. Do invest in a pet carrier. Just because you've only owned a dog, don't assume cats also like to be on a leash. We got princess kitty her very own pink harness with pink heart shaped tag. She didn't love wearing it and we got some funny looks at the vet. We got Claire fixed, just don't tell her she thinks it was a tummy tuck, she will hold it against us otherwise. She did great and we cuddled the whole ride back to Escanaba, then came the decision to remove her front claws. This came only after she was clawing our couch nonstop despite all the scratching aparatus we bought and from her being suspended over my head in bed one too many times on the window screen. Lets just say she wasn't super graceful when she let go! Claire spent her second night at the vet and when I went to pick her up, there was a horrible sound coming from the back. The little old lady and I who were waiting together gave each other a friendly nod. I think we both felt bad for whatever was making all the noise. The nurse warned me that Claire was a little uncomfortable before bringing out satan's screaming spitting beast our angel from the back. The little old lady audibly gasped. I actually had to look in the carrier to get my brain to accept that this was my sweet girl! The clinic said we could go ahead and borrow their carrier for the trip back. Let's hope little sister NEVER needs to spend the night away again!

5. Don't use a harness to let your indoor cat be tied out on a warm day. Even though it seems snug, she will get out of it EVERY. TIME!! Just because it works for your dog, take my advice. Also, cats do not respond to here kitty or their own name. They will go under your deck and you will have to shimmy under and grab her after several attempts to flush her out!

It's also not a great idea to run out to your hot tub in nothing but a towel in the twilight because that is when your indoor cat will decide to make a break for it. Let me tell you it is not easy to catch a cat one handed... 'nough said!

6. Do follow the feeding instructions on the side of the cat food bag. Again, just because your dog doesn't overeat, doesn't mean this will apply to your cat. Claire literally lives for food! We had to start seperating her food into two meals because she became such a pain... I mean hungry girl by evening. Cats really do not like to diet, so keep her at a healthy weight early on. Claire has mastered the "I'm starving" flop on her back to show off her sunken stomach routine. As well as the slow moving, I don't have enough energy to walk kitty drama. 

7. Don't try to kennel train your cat. Even if she shouldn't be in your newborns crib. She will pitch a fit and meow loudly, and no, throwing a blanket over like a bird will not put her to sleep!

8. Do keep your cat clean. Claire has needed a bath over the years and listen to me, this is a two person job! I think Justin still has puncture wound scars. Also extra fur doesn't equal extra shampoo!

9. Don't confuse purring for happiness. Claire turns on a dime. One minute she's all lovey and the next she's sinking her teeth in. Get to know your cat's preferences! For example, she will approach my dad sweetly and then growl at him when he tries to touch her. Yes, I said growl!

10. Invest in a spray bottle and aluminum foil. Your little darling will go where she shouldn't, chew wires, and probably live in your Christmas tree while chewing wires. Giving her a generous squirt in the face will get her moving, never hit your sweet kitty! They also don't like walking on aluminum foil ( yes, this is a thing) so you can turn your kitchen counters and table into an early style spacecraft to keep her off. If your kitty makes you angry, say jumping on your holiday table that's set for guests, take a deep breath. Walk away and ask her other parent to take over for awhile, same rules as with kids, only don't squirt them in the face!

Finally, NEVER actually call your female cat, a cat to her face. Kitty, princess, angel, and sweetie are all acceptable. Calling her a cat makes her feel old. It's like mam-ing a person my age, as in "Here is you change, mam". Not acceptable! 

So as you can see, we have the happiest cat ever! She won't hide under the bed if you visit, or come out to hiss at you, or look pathetically hungry. She is ALWAYS well groomed and has excellent manners. Okay... not really, but we sure do love her and hope this gave you a laugh!!