Circle Time

We make an effort to get our blood flowing to the front of our brains at circle time so we can think and make better decisions.  

We do this by:

Dancing! Movement or exercise is a great way to do this.

Connecting with someone near us with a handshake and a smile!

Using the Becky Bailey "I Love You Rituals".

And breathing.

We have fun and get ready to learn, such a great way to start each day!

Love how some of the kids realized I was filming! And sorry about my loud teacher voice...

Clip here for more Brain Breaks!

http://chernicksfabulousfirstgrade.blogspot.com/search/label/Brain%20Breaks?m=0

Positive Intent

In the Becky Bailey book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, this weeks chapter that I read was all about positive intent. In a nutshell, no matter what problematic behavior a child does they have a valid reason for it. It may go back to them seeking quality attention or safety... or something else, but they had a reason. It's the adult's response to the behavior that labels it as "bad" or "good".

This chapter challenges adults to change their perspective and view the child's positive intent. Let me give you an example: One day this week one of my sweet attention seeking boys threw a block directly into the face of a child across from him. I said to him,"You wanted his attention, but throwing a block hurts!" He said, "Yah, I wanted to tell him something!" I said, "Okay, well next time just say, 'Look at me I want to tell you something.' He said, "Okay!!"

So before learning these skills I might have said, "What did you just do! Oh my! Go to your seat you need a time out!" Then I probably would have said, "You can't throw blocks that isn't nice!"

Do you see the difference? I labeled his behavior as not nice in the second response. No child wants to be mean or not nice, but my words reflected a negative intent.

Remember what you reflect you get back...

but it's not easy! And especially with your own children. I have LOTS of patience for my classroom children and my restraint wains with my own at times. That's why it is "Conscious Discipline" you need to be conscious of yourself and your own responses in order to coach your child.

Coaching takes time and LOTS and LOTS of patience. Trying to control a child's behavior with a punishment is quick, for example: go to time out, give a spanking, yelling. Controlling behavior models impulsivity to our children. It tells them that I want this bad behavior to stop RIGHT NOW! Sound familiar... I want this toy (right now), I want this cupcake (right now), I want your attention (right now). You get the picture.

Dr. Bailey actually insinuates that this lack of coaching for our children is partly to blame for the impulsivity of our children. We are all so busy that it is HARD to take the time to do this but stopping yourself, breathing, and changing your perspective will teach your child what to do the next time and the next. Just remember it can take up to 80 times of coaching before a child will internalize the skill and be able to do it on their...

that's LOTS of breathing for us and patience!!

Phew! Good Luck!

On mirroring...

Dr. Bailey talks about how the brain reacts to stimulus throughout her books. One way the brain takes in information is through mirroring. Let me give you an example...

My husband comes home from work after a long stressful day and he snaps at me. I feed off that and am likely to get a bit snappy back, despite the fact that my day was awesome.

This happens all the time with negativity in the media, drivers with road rage, being impatient while waiting in line, and especially with our children.

So conscious discipline calls us to simply notice the triggers that make us get out of our calm state. Maybe it's your child having a meltdown... your blood pressure goes up, heart beats faster, and your volume goes up. 

In conscious discipline Dr. Becky suggests deep breathing before reacting so that we can reset our preprogrammed response and solve the problem. The reason is that our children will mirror our out of control state (it's not their fault, their brains are set up for it like ours) which will only escalate the situation. Breathing, by the way gets blood to our frontal lobes and helps us think!

So this is what I do:

I might say, "I am feeling frustrated because you are not listening to me right now! I want to yell at you and send you to time out, but I know that won't solve the problem. I will take a deep breath and try to think!" 

Then ask your child how you can help them or if they are in full melt down mode, take them in your lap and breath slowly and deeply. Don't comfort the child, calm yourself so they can mirror you! When everyone is calm you can actually talk through what happened... when everyone is yelling nothing gets resolved!!

It also helps to literally act like a mirror and say to your child, "Your arms are flapping around, your body is on the floor, and you are yelling. You must be angry." Because truly your child probably doesn't even realize how they are looking and awareness helps them to begin managing it better!

Read more about problem solving with little ones here!

On problem solving with preschoolers...

My class is EXCELLENT!! and wonderful and fabulous!! I am so so so lucky to have so many students whose parents have taught them manners and you can tell spend quality time with them!

It has been really fun getting to know some of my little peanut's personalities. I am working to build a classroom where the students feel safe and loved. I have some students that still feel sad from time to time and miss mom and dad, so I make sure to give them a little extra attention (they need some connection to feel safe). I have a few that act up a little to get my attention (they need connection from me too!!). I have a couple that get angry and frustrated easily (they need to feel safe). I have a few that have some anxiety about being in our new environment and around new kids (they need to feel safe, too). Using the conscious discipline approach I am trying to help all of my students problem solve, that means...

1. I simply notice them. I might say, "I can tell by your face that you feel sad, your mouth is down and you are crying." or "You are stomping your feet, you must be angry."

2. They need to state what they are feeling.  I prompt them to say it with me!

3. We take a deep breath together (sometimes I need that moment to figure out what to do next)!

4. Then we talk about how to solve the problem.
It might go like this...
"You were feeling angry because you didn't get the toy you wanted. You were jumping up and down and screaming. What you meant to say was I would like a turn, but you forgot to try that first. Lets try it now!"

Can you tell the difference? Before using a problem solving approach I might have said, "You need to calm down, Go sit in your chair."

crickets....

Yup that's it. I'd have left them to "think" about it on their own.

How many times do we think our kids can figure things out on their own and they simply can't!! I didn't talk them through it and they don't know how!! Children do not have the ability to think things through so we have to model to them how to do it.

This doesn't mean there are no consequences, but they need to be reasonable. If they can't control their body on the carpet I might have them move to a spot where they will be better able to listen. I don't take anything away, but the consequence is moving!

My goal is for the class to be able to learn self control and have tolerance of others... because, well, they will learn better and lead better lives!!